The Magic of Softness

softness (n.)

Old English softnes "ease, comfort; state of being soft to the touch; luxury;" see soft (adj.) + -ness. Meaning "weakness of character, effeminacy" is from c. 1600.

Softness denotes both comfort and weakness, and in this society, it is often placed on folks assigned female at birth or femme. The label of softness as weakness is a trick of white supremacy, a scheme to get up to work more, rest less, and give all of our creative energy to the pursuit of "success" as defined by capitalism.

This is your opportunity to reclaim all the magic, sweetness, and delicious comfort of being soft, babe!

What does softness feel like? Is it warm and fuzzy? Does it have a texture? Is it the feeling of just waking up on fresh linen sheets with the sun bathing you in light? Close your eyes and think about it. You deserve to come home to this place as often as you like, and this place is always in your body!

Staying soft with everything life throws at us isn't easy, but we're here to tell you, you've got this. Being soft isn't about caving to other people's wants and needs. Softness is about you and your wellbeing, being in tune with your own body, and knowing what and how you want to feel. Softness requires boundaries so that your desires and needs have space to flourish.

Blend for Softness:

This essential oil blend made for you to use and incorporate into your daily rituals. Try using it as a diffuser blend, or it is perfect in a roll on oil you can pop in your bag and anoint yourself with any time you need some extra softness. Even add this blend to a body oil for a daily ritual of inviting in softness, or to a cup of Epsom salts for a ritual bath!

You will need:

4 parts lavender

3 parts geranium

3 parts lemon

2 parts clary sage

Mix your essential oils and store in an airtight container. If planning to use topically, always add to a carrier oil like jojoba, almond, or grapeseed.

Softness and Self Care: Mind, Body + Spirit

Softness as a fuck-the-patriarchy spell. Every time you choose to give yourself a little more time, and a little less judgment you're effectively choosing yourself over the oppressive system we've been trained to function in. Try waking up early for no other reason then to read your steamy erotica book first thing in the morning, or prep your breakfast the night before to sleep in if that's what your body needs.

Every small, soft step you take to lean into comfort and ease is a kindness your future self if going to be thankful for. This of these practices as tending to your future self's wellbeing, and also sticking it to the patriarchy, because lets face it, softness doesn't pay their bills.

Mind:

The more difficult something is, the more softness is needed. When you find yourself being really harsh with yourself or those around you take a few breaths and check in asking:

"Who's here with me?"

See if there is a character or creature that steps forward. A friend once said they refer to these entities as brain weasels. Once you locate the grumpy babe invite them to a 3-5 minute meditation where you climb into a soft blanket fort together, drink tea, and spread out on lots of soft pillows.

See what this babe needs, and tell them:

"Thank you for protecting me, and helping me defend my space, but I'd like to lean into softness now. Do you want to help me do that?"

 Dive into more practices to fight the brains weasels with this guided journal! 

This is a way to nurture yourself and tend to your inner child and useful defense mechanisms that you may have outgrown. Good job self-caring!

Body:

We tend to push ourselves past breaking points often, numbing and white knuckling it just to meet the deadlines.

Try this practice when your body starts to ache:

Take 3 long, slow breaths, and each time you inhale invite softness into your body as an Ally, watching it diffuse in your achy body on the exhale in your mind's eye. Do this breath 3 times, and at the end ask your body "What would make this moment more pleasurable?" When you get an answer, no matter how silly it seems, do it!

Also, go get some Overworked oil and rub that achy body down, babe.

Spirit:

The magic of the Moon and the ebb and flow of emotion, just like softness, if associated with the "feminine". Softness is not weakness though. It is the ability to see beyond the veil, to be in tune with your own humanity, and be deeply tapped into magic, intuition, and mystery.

Start your morning with a tea/ coffee prayer to invite softness in.

Pour your beverage of choice and as you stir it clockwise say: "I invite softness in like a joyful ancestor."

It's a simple step, but if you make this part of your routine you're literally inviting the energy of Softness in as a magical Ally into your life. Expect things to become slow and sweet like molasses, and to give significantly less fucks as time goes on.

Recipe for Heart Space Softening Herbal Shrub.

This shrub is the perfect daily boost, with supportive magical herbs for your heart and immune boosting ingredients like apple cider vinegar and hibiscus. Add a tablespoon or so to sparkling water for a lovely mocktail!

1 cup Hawthorne Berry

1 cup strawberry

1/4 cup rose petal

1/4 cup hibiscus

1 tablespoon whole cardamom pods

Add ingredients to a jar and top with apple cider vinegar. Cover and let steep in the fridge for 1 lunar cycle. Strain out the herbs and fruit, and sweeten your shrub with honey.

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